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II
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The Last 11 Things Any Man Would Ever Say:
- I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
- While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
- I think hairy butts are really sexy.
- Her tits are just too big.
- Sometimes I just want to be held.
- That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
- Sure I'd love to wear a condom!
- We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
- Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
- I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions
- No, I don't mind watching Thelma and Louise again.
The Perfect Day According to ... HIM
| 10:00am | Wake up |
| 10:02am | Oral sex |
| 10:15am | Big breakfast |
| 11:30am | Drive up the coast in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde with big jugs |
| 2:15pm | Enormous lunch |
| 3:00pm | Oral sex |
| 3:15pm | Play sports with the guys |
| 4:00pm | Drink beer with guys |
| 6:00pm | Meet Claudia Schiffer |
| 6:10pm | Oral sex |
| 6:25pm | Huge dinner, more beer |
| 11:00pm | Full on, get down, gorilla sex |
The Last 11 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say:
- Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
- Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
- I think hairy butts are really sexy.
- Hey, get a whiff of that one.
- Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
- This diamond is way too big!
- I don't mind throwing all these useless shoes out.
- I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
- Wow, it really is 14 inches!
- Does this make my butt look too small?
- I'm wrong, you must be right again.
The Perfect Day According to ... HER
| 8:45am | Wake up to hugs and kisses |
| 9:00am | 5 pounds lighter on the scale |
| 9:30am | Light breakfast |
| 11:00am | Sunbathe |
| 12:00pm | Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe |
| 1:30pm | Shopping |
| 2:30pm | Run into boyfriends ex, notice she's gained 30 pounds |
| 3:00pm | Facial massage and nap |
| 7:30pm | Candle light dinner for two and dancing |
| 10:00pm | Make love |
| 11:00pm | Pillow talk in his big strong arms |
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked, with beer....
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